Babe: Allie / Mini Cooper
Recipe: Macaroni and Cheese and Root Beer Floats
What It Can Do For You: Get laid by preparing a meal after shopping only at a convenience store.

One quiet Sunday while driving home from the sports bar I met Allie.

I was being a guy and doing my version of multitasking, which meant weekly grocery shopping and filling up my car with gas. At the gas station’s crappy store you can buy generic brands of milk, bread, cheese, eggs, butter; and the staples: chips, hostess cupcakes, and of course, soda.

If I wasn’t so desperate, normally I wouldn’t have even spoken to her, but desperate conditions call for desperate measures. My team lost the game and I was feeling lonely Sunday Blues…the feeling many get when Sunday late afternoon rolls around and you realize the weekend is over, you have to work the next day, you have no real love in your life and you’re doing you’re shopping at mini-marts.

I must admit, I found her oddly appealing, like a lost Pomeranian puppy looking for her master.

Picking up a girl while shopping at a mini-mart and then inviting her over to your place only an hour after bragging that you can create a super-tasty meal using only items purchased from there, isn’t exactly easy. So after gathering the basics, I added a few specialty items.

I picked up Kraft instant macaroni and cheese, a Kosher hot dog, root beer, vanilla ice cream, condoms and a bottle of Riesling. Most girls don’t usually eat this food and I would have probably ordered Chinese takeout, but I was challenging myself with this task and it was easing away my Sunday Blues.

I’ve included an amazing Mac and Cheese recipe so that if you actually have a girl who you want to make this for and she would actually know the difference, you’re prepared.

The root beer float always makes a spectacle and its yummy and refreshing. Prepare the macaroni and cheese as usual, but add extra cheese and butter to the recipe. The added protein via the hot dog is a nice touch, it’s comfort food and who doesn’t want to be comforted ?

Allie worked as an advertising executive for a well known ad agency in town and was a strange girl. I could tell she was sad and believed that she had to put out quickly for a guy and that was all she deserved. But, who was I to be her therapist ?

Her last name was Cooper and she was so tiny that she had the nickname of Mini while she was in college. In fact, people called her Mini Cooper, and then BMW re-designed the Mini Cooper cars and she got one. To me, she looked like a circus clown, but a girl who wants to give you a blowjob in a mini mart and is willing to come over to your place 3 minutes after you meet her is the birthday clown from the birthday party I missed when I was 9 !

Allie went to an Ivy League college and was quite smart. She was the kind of girl who thought guys liked getting it all on the first date. Not so, folks. Most people including myself, like to have what’s called a challenge.

We agreed to meet at my place and I was determined to wow her with my skills. I pretty much knew that she was a sure thing and that this was strictly an exercise routine. Not to sound gross, but in getting laid, preparation is often the key to success and sometimes, a girl like this is just what a guy needs.

Moving on, Allie came over to my place and she never even ate what I cooked. We just drank a few glasses of Riesling and she blew me and we had sex and then she left. It was a pretty uneventful experience until I ran into her the following weekend at the mini-mart picking up another guy.

Well, all in all it was a lesson learned.