It’s a lazy kind of day for me. And when things are moving slow and there doesn’t seem to be much to write about, I can always look for inspiration next door.

The douchebag next door, that is.

You may remember him from a previous story when I wrote about him playing loud music with his young daughter in the car. Well, because the douchebagginess of his ways provide me with almost limitless material, I am back today with another story. Today it’s about the douchebag and his dog.

Yes, they have a dog next door. It’s a little dog and, although I am an animal lover, I don’t know the breed. What I do know is that he is dirty, he smells bad and he is annoying. And I’m not talking about the dog, either.

Just kidding. I actually am talking about the dog. Even though his douchebag owner probably does have most of the same qualities.

So, yeah, this dog. His name is Oscar and all he does is yip and bark. But just the barking is not what makes it so annoying. It’s the times they let him outside to do his barking. When, you ask? Try 2 am.

It’s so aggravating. Who let’s their dog outside at two in the morning to wake the neighborhood up? And it’s not just that they let him out. He stays out. He’ll be out there for 30 minutes or sometimes an hour. Barking, barking, barking. He barks from the second they let him out until they open the door to let him back in.

And sometimes he even escapes the yard. When he gets out of the gate, he just walks throughout the neighborhood. I can hear him sometimes down the street and around the block he’s so loud. I know I’m not the only one who is getting woke up night after night by this mutt. But do his owners fix the gate so he can’t get out? No. Do they let him in after a few minutes instead of letting him wake the neighborhood up at 2 am? No. They’re idiots!

So I guess I can’t really blame the dog. Dogs bark. And if they can get out of their fenced in yard, they’ll do it. So I’m not mad at Oscar as much as I am furious at his moron owners.

Still, though, I have a confession to make. A couple of nights ago I was woken by his barking and I just had to do something. I wasn’t going to go pounding on anyone’s door and demand they let their dog in. Although, admittedly, maybe I should have. I just didn’t feel like arguing in the middle of the night. So, instead, what I did was this: I walked into my kitchen, filled a glass full of water, went out into my yard and flung the water all over this dog.

Pretty funny, huh? I just couldn’t take it anymore. And I’ll tell you what…it worked. The dog didn’t even see where the water came from. And he shut up right away. I wonder if, when he was brought back inside, the douchebag next door asked himself how the dog got drenched? It sure as hell wasn’t raining out there.

Anyway, I don’t know what is going to happen next. But I know this: If that dog wakes me up again next week and I feel like drenching him with water, this time I’ll use the hose. And if that douchebag next door happens to see me? Well, he’ll get it too.