“Stop it! God, you treat me like a piece of meat!”

Those are the words a girl yelled out during a gathering of friends I attended a week or two ago. She was upset with her boyfriend who, while he held her in his arms, continued to grab and slap her butt.

It went on continuously off and on for about an hour. She would be on his lap and suddenly I would hear her say, “Quit!” He would giggle and she would then go back to talking to another person at the party. Moments later: “Cut it out! God!” But barely before a moment passed since her latest outburst, her boyfriend’s hands were heading down there again.

“Stop it! God, you treat me like a piece of meat!”

Yet there she remained in his lap. I don’t get it. Why do girls put up with this? Not only is she uncomfortable, but it makes everyone else uncomfortable, too.

You find yourself wanting to say something to the guy. Anything, really. But mostly something like, “If you don’t leave her alone, I’m going to strangle you.” But you know that it really isn’t your place. She is, after all, forgiving the behavior by continuing to be cradled by him the whole time. Would she have gotten up in anger, it would have been a different story. But she didn’t. Therefore, it continued on.

But, jeez, when is this caveman type of behavior going to stop? It’s one thing for these douchebags to act out their fantasies behind closed bedroom doors. I mean, if saying stuff like, “Ooga booga. Woman mine. Ooga booga,” turns you and your girl on, fine. Have at it. But, please, spare the rest of us your public displays of barely post-Jurassic idiocy.

If you really want to act like a hunchback in a loincloth, at least try to be more like Tarzan. Tarzan was cool. He hung out with animals and he actually treated Jane with respect. More so than you do your girlfriend, anyway. In fact, we should all try to be more like Tarzan of the Apes. He helped people out. But until then, I’m left with just one more piece of wisdom for you and your ilk: “Me Tarzan. You douchebag.”

Sums it up pretty well, I think.