There is a lot of douchebag-type behavior that I see each and every day. Some of it is specific to the season in which I am living in. And since the snow has melted away in my neck of the woods, there is one such thing I can be thankful to not have to put up with for another year. And that is the guys who walk ahead of their girlfriends on a slippery driveway.

You see it all the time. At the mall, at the movie theater and everywhere else there is a slippery surface. The guy walks ahead while getting his car keys from his pocket, while the girl struggles 15 feet behind him with the ice under her pumps. It’s infuriating.

Seriously, where is the chivalry anymore? Maybe I’m just polite, or maybe it’s because mama didn’t raise no douchebag, but I think it is a guy’s duty to walk with his girlfriend arm and arm while crossing a slippery surface. Why wouldn’t you? Do you actually want her to fall?

I know what I do when I see things like this. I hope, no…pray, for the guy who is walking ahead to slip and break his neck. Honestly, nothing would please me more. I know it isn’t right to actually wish for bad things to happen to others, but in cases like these, I feel it is okay to make an exception.

Oh how I would love to see these guys fall! I would rush over to them, of course. But not to help! Oh no. I would rush over and laugh. Laugh so hard and point at them while they screamed for help, struggling to move limbs. Because that is exactly what they would deserve.

So this is a word of warning to all you douchebags out there. Try not being a jerk next winter and please, please, PLEASE walk next to your girl across the slippery parking lots of America. I’ll feel better, she’ll feel better and, perhaps best of all…you’ll look like a better boyfriend.

Until, that is, you do that next douchebag thing you do.